Wednesday, April 30, 2008

An Adverse Habit

Something horrible happened to me today.
Before this, my BM teacher has already complained about me many times regarding my dozing off habit in class. It's really not my fault. I've been putting in effort. For example if I have BM on Wednesday, I'll sleep earlier on Tuesday, which is around 12 plus. Latest 1. See? Much improvement. Unfortunately, I still fail. I keep dozing off during her lessons. Most probably it's because I just don't like that language. No love for that language or maybe it's because her lessons are just plain boring.

So today we were discussing the literature aspects of 'Syair Jong Pecah'. Another dull poem. Since when those poems are interesting anyway? Of course, as usual, I was really sleepy and tired. My eyes were half way closed. Tried to fight the sleepiness but in the end I failed. Yeah, I know I'm pathetic. Well, I practically survived the 2 bloody periods but twenty minutes before the lesson ended, I fell asleep. It just happened. It was so fast that I didn't realize it. I was sitting up straight to prevent myself from falling asleep. Surprisingly, I could still doze off that easily. Teacher suddenly yelled my name. I immediately woke up and knew I'm gonna 'get it' from her.

Sure enough, she started to grumble grumble grumble non stop for like 10 minutes I think? It felt shitty. Literally. Imagine, the teacher purposely stopped teaching just to complain and grumble about you? It was embarrassing and at the same time, I felt bad for wasting other students' time.

Here's what she said. I tried so hard not to laugh when she was grumbling. Fuh, luckily she didn't see my stupid face.

"Cikgu pun tak tahu lah apa yang sudah jadi pada kamu ni Crystal. Tahun lepas, cikgu amat bangga dengan Crystal kerana cikgu berharap Crystal boleh menjadi kebanggaan kelas V3. Kalau orang tidak baik masa tingkatan 4, mereka akan jadi lebih baik semasa tingkatan 5. Kamu ni memang berbeza. Semakin besar semakin teruk. Cikgu pun tak tahu lah. Kamu tahu apa yang cikgu nampak? Tahun ini, Choon Yin lagi bersemangat daripada kamu. (fuck, as if, she was so busy sleeping during other subjects) Kamu ni lagi teruk daripada dia.

Cikgu sedang ajar di sini dan kamu pula buat muka boring. Cikgu pun tahu kecil hati. Cikgu cuba memberikan pendidikan dan kamu pula buat muka boring macam ilmu yang cikgu beri tidak bernilai. Kalau sudah pandai sangat dan tiada minat untuk mendengar, keluar lah dari kelas. Cikgu memang beri kebenaran. Cikgu lagi suka ajar pelajar yang bodoh tetap ingin mendengar daripada pelajar yang pandai tetap tidak ingin mendengar."

She talked about those points over and over again for practically 10 minutes. Then she stopped teaching. Apparently, she's not in the mood to teach anymore. Reasons why I felt shitty :

  1. Her eyes were red, as if she wanted to cry or maybe she was too pissed.
  2. She refused to continue explaining to the class because of what I did. I mean, she stopped teaching, like totally what the fuck? Haha.
  3. I don't know how to face her the next time I see her.
  4. Should I apologize? I really think that I did nothing wrong. Seriously, I've tried not to doze off okay. It's your problem if you refuse to believe that I TRIED.
In order to stop making me feel bad, my desk mate said I'm just the unlucky one because she's sure that many other students showed the boring face too. She said, "She has been teaching for so many years. I thought she should be used to seeing those boring faces by now?".

Okay, so now I'm supposed to try really hard to score my BM paper so that she won't have any bloody chance to talk bad about me anymore. Sigh, life becomes so miserable because of my little habit of falling asleep. *yawns*

Whatever. Like I really give a damn. I'm too happy nowadays to pay attention to all these trivial matters. They won't affect my great mood. *grins* Tomorrow will be Labour's Day. Damn, if only exams were over by now then I could be playing guitar the whole day or loiter at the mall.


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